My Coach was relatively new to the team, and this, along with his goods looks and odd favoritism towards me, had always planted in me a strange desire to please him. This need to impress only made me more anxious as i started at him from across the bench.
"hi, Hannah"
"hello"
"So, do you have any goals for me?"
Um no
"I was hoping to maybe improve in the 200 free"
He wrinkled his eybrows together in frustration. He never bothered to hide his emotions.
"do you even know your times?" he snapped
I stayed silents, his question had obviously been rhetorical, and i was quickly hardening myself to his obvious frustration. Why does he always act this way towards me?
"You could be so much better than you let yourself be..." He began jabbing his hand in the air for emphasize
"You never die when you swim, you finish the race, and you still have energy!"
Ok so i know it doesn't make sense cause its only part of the story but my question is, do i do a good job of building the character of my coach?
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2 comments:
I think you do really good job of setting the tone that your coach is intimidating! I think maybe just a little bit stronger of a description of his appearence and the tone of his voice may help a little? how did you feel when you were with him in that moment?
IT'S SO GOOD THOUGH! SOOOO JEALOUS! :)
You can defenitely understand the basis of the coach's personality through dialogue--you do a great job of that, but like Cath said...perhaps a build up of his physical appearance would further develop him.
~H
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